external internal monologue

natismo @ 2008-06-22T14:49:00

2008-06-22T04:52:04Z

i think dames is actually sending me insane.
yes, really. i mean = literally INSANE.

my anxious depressive disorder has completey fucked itself in the last couple of months.
and i think it is his doing. I can barely cope with the stresses in my own life, let alone being responsible for an unemployed emo.

hm.

well. i will see what my psychiatrist says on monday.

eh. in the meantime.
im going to go play wow.

faffing

2007-09-21T01:09:24Z

it's the BEST day of the week:
FRIDAY.

this means:
Tasty govindas at lunch with Lei and Nia
Cheap Cheap Cheap vodka at Fat Louie's with Amyl, Irish, Twin Powers and The Peacock, oh, and Dames naturally, possibly with some pool playing as well.. mayhap karoke?

Then dance in circles! I wonder what that will be like? I can see jordan being a dj, when i imagine Gay Dan though, i just see him really drunk and spinning people around a lot, and the music stopping and starting. and him screaming CSS lyrics.

Will no doubt end the evening at le chateau du Rics. I haven't annoyed Penny properly in a while :D hee hee.. she'll probably 'play dance magic' for dames. lol.

Oh! i should invite ned to fat louies!!!

oh how i wish it were 5...

mean, badly.

2007-09-07T00:59:39Z

i went to wolfgang last night.
It was pretty fun.. im not sure if i like the dj'ing or not though...
They played some incredibly horrible stuff, but they also played a heap of trashy indie dance/electro that i quite like and have never heard in public. like chromeo (shuttt upppp)

Cutt off your hands were good, fun fun fun. i liked how gay they were, i was expecting a much more boring stage presence from them, so that was a nice surprise. :D

Nia adopted a little nu rave/indie/general pants kid. She named him 'Magenta' (turns out his name is actually chris) so that kept people entertained for a while...

Mai roamed around getting people to buy her drinks...

Dames came in after he finished work.. poor boy hadn't been home in.. days? not sure. he was still wearing my hoodie at any rate. Naturally the girl on the door knew him *cue teenagers voice* 'he's such a slut!' so he got a free stamp.
pah.

hung around there till pretty late.. then we went to rics and drank some more.. and danced a little.. Nia wanted to do jigging a lot it seemed, but she kept drunkenly grabbing my wrist piercing. Owwww.. It's sore today. I often wonder if the little fucker would actually heal if i could go, say, a fortnight without going out or drunkenly whacking it on things?

Dropped mai off at patt's house... went home, managed to shower (well done!) got about 3 hours sleep.. then VERY reluctantly left the warmth of my bed for the chill of the morn and the soul crushing tedium of work.

My boss called me and talked to me the minute i came in the door, telling me how i was late too often blah blah blllaaahhh... and i was 'oh yes, i'm so sorry! etc etc etc'
when in reality i couldn't give a flying fuck. although i did have an urge to concoct an elaborate lie about a car accident or near fatal injury in a close family member to make him feel guilty.

Like the time at Wade that Joseph (director) came over to me after i'd had a sick day and was all 'OOoooooo what's wrong??? do you have a doctor's certificate??' and he was only half joking, so i deadpanned, 'Actually my father had a motorcycle accident and we had to take him to A & E last night. They're not sure he'll ever walk without a limp again.' (based loosely in truth, we HAD taken him to A & E, but he'd only dropped his bike at the end of the road and hurt his foot cause he wasn't wearing his proper boots, mind you the Dr had said that, freaked the poor man right out.) Even though i'd not come in the day before purely because i was lazy. :P Still, it shut Joseph up. He asked after my father for weeks after that.... Should try that one on Pete...

er. almost fell asleep at my desk.
eyeballs hurt.
can't remember last full night's sleep i had.
sunday?

Don't think i'll go out tonight. think i'll stay in and SLEEP. oh! if i only i could sleep right now....

ramblings of pigeons' weekend.

2007-09-03T01:46:36Z

i had a wasteoid weekend.
well, my saturday was fairly respectable, in that i only had half a pill and say.. 6 drinks over the course of as many hours, at Amyl's birthday party.

I was incredibly inenbriated on friday night though. I should have stopped drinking after fat louie's for a while.. Instead i missed half of midnight juggernauts and basically ditched all my friends to run around like a moron smoking and complaining.

I have soo many blanks. i recall us going to rics and me biting Penny, because i said i was going too.. so you know.. i didn't bite her hard...

Then i recall going to buy amyl with dames and singing the Amyl song.. and making out a lot and people complaining. :P opps!

later on we found mai and a little girl and took them home with us... there was a reason? they had no money or something...

later on had 'the talk' with the boy. so that's official now. which is a nice relief. i can stop stressing out now.

Still weird but. I think i suck at being a girlfriend.. i'm all like 'Leave me alone alright!? im an introvert, i DON'T want to see you everyday...' and then im all ''Why are you ignoring me?!!? YOU'RE IN LOVE WITH MY SISTER ARREEEENN''T YOOUUU!!?!?!'
*cough*
He knew that about me though. he'll just have to deal.

back to the drunkeness... I paid for it in the morning.. ooohh.. the hang over kicked in mid morning.. when we were in the city.. even bubble tea did not revive me.. was unable to form coherent sentences. went and saw the bourne.. supremacy? whatever. No. 3 at any rate. i fell asleep for a while, but i saw most of it, and it was quite good.

then went to Amy's 20th. little lamyl is all growed up!!

It was fun, i was tired and dead, and i couldn't get properly drunk cause i was driving home, but i had fun. Amy has the most random and mixed group of friends... She's got trashy indie friends, sophisticated sexy housemates, the hot lesbians and a sprinkling of goths and shiny GC peeps. Still, everyone there, despite the differences in hair/cost of their clothes are all really funny and cool. and there was much sharing of those two keystones of friendship: spliffs and amyl bottles. lol.

crashed at dames'. left my glasses there... am wearing my minging old ones with the massive scratch from coke fueled bender in london last year.. the time i head butted concrete and my nose made clicking noises for six months... (i think i broke something.. it doesn't do it anymore though, sooo....)

they are so hideous. cannot wear them in public. you know how glasses are? they have a three year fashionability time limit. they just look scary after that time has elapsed.

Went to the forest with sisters for lunch on sunday, then had coffee and cake with pop at three monkeys.

Trying to think of a really nice thoughtful gift to give him since i've been so crap lately...

ps. Please, someone buy me this:

birthday pigeon

2007-08-30T00:54:16Z

it's my birthday!

i am oollddd...

It started pretty badly, in that i was awoken around 2am by LEI ringing the door bell, then banging on my window to be let in, since she was wasted and had left her keys at Matt's house.

grrr.

there was a strange boy sleeping on the floor in our living room this morning.
I felt very sorry for him, he had the tiny couch cushions to sleep on and a lonely crotcheted rug to keep warm. and it was COLD.
So i put my doona on him. Either he is a very deep sleeper or he thought it wise to fain sleep while strange girls threw blankets on him.

(which is usually a wise decision...)

muma called and i was almost late for work... as a consequence , AM NOT WEARING ANY MAKEUP.

feel naked + hideous + Very Very Ginger.

*yawn

thai tonight with the pop + sisters.

Nia wrote me a haiku:

I love you pigeon

so I will sing to you of

teapots and your mum.

anxious ramblings

2007-08-21T23:50:21Z

i STILL have no real idea which uni i want to go to next year... and if i should do fine art or design... oh god.. .seriously.. nooooo idea.

at the moment i'm leaning towards design at QCA.. I did fine art there for a while... it was alright.. although it has mental course hours. 8am - 5pm weekdays.. and one night a week was till 8pm i think... Naturally i wouldn't actually turn up that early everyday. Pah! plus.. how in the fuck are you meant to have a job???
i need money. i am accustomed to the money.

i could go to QUT. but their courses are twice as expensive.. and.. not that great.
Do i want to get a hecs debt that's 8grand a semester instead of 4 just so i have more sleep in's and time to have a job? I might be better off just going to qca and not turning up that often. im sure i could still pass...

of course, if i have decided on design, it does make me question the point of finishing a painting portfolio.. since.. i won't need it?

i suppose i could have fine art as a 2nd preference? They are harder on mature age applicants (hee hee.. Im 'mature'!) and i might not get my first preference. Do they use my OP? hmm.. i hope so. Ive gotten way dumber since high school. If i have to rely on my current wits i am done for.

Speaking of paintings... my small portrait of Dames is looking, well, pretty shite. he has a big girly eye. It's a problem that i will have to deal with at some stage, well, the stage that i am currently in really. I need to buy turpentine. *sighs* someone should invent water soluble oil paint. :P

uhhhhh... .. .

or i could apply in melbourne. im really tempted too, but, it's just so much fucking hassle to move, again. plus i hate the cold.

i guess i have a month to get my act together... where did the year go!?

In other news, i am OBSESSED with wind in the wires by patrick wolf. my god the man is a genius. a tiny sexy genius.

so true

2007-08-21T06:25:02Z

When I ask Doherty if he's had any offers from labels, he chuckles."Nobody wants to touch me, man," he says, mussing his hair in agitation. "They're afraid. They think it would be a car crash. They don't realize, the car's already crashed. And there's been a nuclear explosion. And we're the last people alive on Earth."

photoshop fun!

2007-08-13T05:43:39Z

I've been playing in photoshop.
I've been making people look HOTT. lol.
it's really quite fun...

Here's Penny...

And here's Lei...

Maybe i'll do one of myself :P lol

ps.. hmm.. i just realised they both happen to be cropped pictures.. strange...

jesus died for somebodies sins.. but not mine!

2007-07-11T07:14:53Z

i have no money, nooo moonneeyyy.

i need to buy things. many many things.

i think i will starve to death/die next year when i go back to studying full time.
how does one wean oneself of the indulgent splurging of the full time worker?
I'M TOO GOOD FOR LEVIS.
ah! i only like cheap clothes if i stole them.

and i like to buy coffee.. and bubble tea... everyday, that's like $8.50 on beverages.

and drinks! i like to drink! i like to drink a lot! in bars!

*sighs

Scary Week

2007-06-21T00:36:11Z

I'm going to be having a scary week come august...

Monday 6th August

The horrors in SYDNEY!

Tuesday 7th August

The Klaxons in MELBOURNE

(put the finger in the baby and you spin it till it's dead!)

and then,

Wednesday 8th August

The CURE in Brisbane!

Oh my God.

It's going to be a week of BIG HAIR and hypercolour t-shirts! weeee!!!
fun fun fun!!

I think when i add it all up with flights and stuff.. it's going to be a very expensive little holiday. oh well.

I paid for klaxons up front.. but the cure and horrors are on credit card. god, that's gonna be a SCARY bill.

*shudders*

and my rego and electricity bill are due next week. fuck fuck fuck.
i suppose it's all a matter of priorities. I think mine are in the right place?

Hmm... i hate to think how dead i am going to be come thursday. (and yes, i have to go to work, cruel no?) I suppose seeing the cure at the entertainment centre won't be too draining though. old people, no alcohol.. (well, hardly worth mentioning)...

in other news, it will be my first visit EVER to sydney. i've never had the urge to go.. people tell me it smells and is full of assholes. we shall see...

My own Personal Hell

2007-06-19T00:41:57Z

NATALIE'S HELL

(if i was God)

Circle I Limbo

People who ask for cigarettes and gum,
Straight Men who drink Vodka pre-mix drinks

Circle II Whirling in a Dark & Stormy Wind

Emos

Circle III Mud, Rain, Cold, Hail & Snow

Members of Fitness First

Women who swing their arms like morons when walking

Circle IV Rolling Weights

DJ's, George Bush

Circle V Stuck in Mud, Mangled

People who walk slowly in crowded streets

River Styx

Circle VI Buried for Eternity

Groupies, John Howard

Girls with Spray Tans

River Phlegyas

Circle VII Burning Sands

People who drink decaf

Circle IIX Immersed in Excrement

Scenesters, Operator Please

Born Again Christians

Circle IX Frozen in Ice

The Pussycat Dolls, Pro Life Activists

Design your own hell

fuck! conflicted...

2007-05-23T05:48:50Z

oh my god.
i'm buying a synth.. and fuck me.. there are SOOOOO many different ones out there.. ohhhh....
my brain hurts from trying to understand all the STRANGE and BIZARRE things they can apparently do...
i don't want to buy an expensive one, because it's just for me to play with after all... and besides, i'll need to buy an amp to play it through as well...
so I've narrowed down the field to these ones -

roland SH-201.
It's cheap.. and fun apparently... it's an 80's style analog modeling synth.. which means lots of fun knobs and things. i think i like only it cause it looks so cool though?
allans music- $1250 ish
internets - $600-$700 (incl. postage)

korg x-50.
again, cheap. does pretty much everything, but sans sequencer..
allans - $1400 ish
internetz - $700-800 aud. incl postage

korg micro x

tiny tiny. very good reviews. cheap. pretty amazing for size/price... no sequencer.
allans - $1275 ish
internets - $700-750

korg tr 61
does most things. like x-50 but better. has a sequencer.
allans music - $1700
internets - $950 - 1000

roland juno g
similar to the korg tr 61.. but with better sequencer.. i think...
allans -$1999 ish
internets - $1000 -$1100

cool. but heard many bad things? but nin and depeche mode use them...
allans - don't sell em. at least $2500 i think..
internets - $1200

Oh god.

how am i going to PICK one???

i'm think i should just go value myes? i mean, if it's SUPERFUN to play with, i can always buy a new one right?
hmm... so that would be the Korg TR 61 or the Juno-G.
i would get the micro korg and the x-50.. but that would still leave me sans sequencer, so less funtimes..

OOahahahah... i doonn't knoooooowwwww..............

I guess the REAL question is, do i want a big KORG sign or a big ROLAND sign stuck on the ass?
i think i's prefer a korg. but the juno-g seems better. :(
*sighs
i could always buy a microkorg to go with it :D vocoder funtimes!

natismo @ 2007-05-18T08:54:00

2007-05-17T23:44:36Z

went to cut copy last night.

They were good, they sounded very different to the last time i saw them live though. Much less electro.
They used to be only sort of 'half' live sounding.. so you got all those big synths and everything like from a dj and then live guitar and all that... i don't know how or what they play live exactly, but they definitely changed something, it was like they were playing everything just straight ordinary live, or more so than they used to... Which is brave especially in a band like cut copy.. but i think i liked the way they used to play better. I mean, it was all pretty thrashy and muddled and i didn't recognise 'Future' until the chorus. (GASP!)
PLUS when they finally played 'heart on fire' you could barely make out the fantastic peter hook stylee bassline. which is what i love about that song...

It may have just been a crap sound guy or something though... but you'd think the met would have a better pa and shit than say, the zoo, right?

ANNYYWWAAYY

it was a weird crowd. Skanks in dresses and stilettos (Why would you wear stilettos to a cut copy gig? dancing? heelllooo...) that stood on everyone's feet, millions of boys with boring haircuts and neon 80's stylee shirts with things like lightning bolts or stripes in repetitive patterns on them, fashion wanks with $200 hoodies and a few lost denizens of rics. (they stood out so bad.. their eyes wide with fear, darting from fake tanned bust to bust as they weaved between the curtains of straightened blonde hair...)

Nat a. was befriended by a Nat p. so there was a strange Nat trifecta going on for a while... and oddly enough luke knew the new nat? Ahh.. brisbane, where everyone fucked your mum...

lei was awol.. she and charley managed to get kicked out of rics.. for mixing their own drinks in the toilet.. tsk tsk ladies.. apparently lei's banned for a fortnight, which could cause problems since she's meant to be dj'ing there in a week. :P ha ha. that is so rics. 'this is our dj, but she is barred'

mai was around with pat, but they were the well behaved couple of the evening, lei was the 'Twin: Outta Control' for a change.

fadan came in with us, but he was a bit poorly, and there weren't any tickets left at the door. Ba-baam :(

saw nay (was disappointed by her new hair, it was really pretty.. not nearly so emo as her hott myspace pic implied. :P i <3 emo hair!) and elle briefly (still very strange to see elle out.. hee hee... it's weird, 'Hey! you're friends with friends of people! We know each other socially! and our parents live together! in ipswich! yeah!')

luke and charley were around, social butterflies that they were.. Some PRICK hit poor charley in the face!! how could you punch a girl with a SPARKLY RIBBON tied aroung her forehead?! HHOOWW?!?

Still it was a pretty fun night, especially for a school night :P i wasn't even late this morning!

/edit. i just found a piece of glass in my shoe. damn skanks./

well, it's obvious which is right...

2007-05-17T01:55:39Z

kill myself

2007-05-14T04:49:16Z

i just wasted 5 hours on the splendour website.

this is what i got for my troubles:-

it didn't actually say 'sucks to be you!', but that is COMPLETELY the smarmy vibe i got.
fuckers.
cunts.

Quizes!

2007-05-11T01:44:04Z

Behold. Some quizes i stole of some 16 yr old myspace. :P

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid:	Very High
Schizoid:	Low
Schizotypal:	High
Antisocial:	Moderate
Borderline:	Moderate
Histrionic:	High
Narcissistic:	Moderate
Avoidant:	Very High
Dependent:	Moderate
Obsessive-Compulsive:	Moderate
-- Personality Disorder Test -- -- Personality Disorder Information --

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Sixth Level of Hell - The City of Dis!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Low
Level 2 (Lustful)	High
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	Moderate
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Very Low
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	Very High
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Very High
Level 7 (Violent)	Very High
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	High
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	Low

Take the Dante's Inferno Hell Test

Pah! i am NOT lustful

You scored as Old-school Goth. You are an old-school goth. Forget Tina and Rogue, your idols are still Siouxsie and Peter and Fat Bob, and black lipstick and white powder is still the way to go. Click on my name to take my other tests if you liked this one.

Old-school Goth

79%

Romantic Goth

67%

Fantasy Goth

63%

Anything-Goes Goth

33%

Death Rocker

33%

Understanding Outsider

33%

Perky Goff

25%

Confused Outsider

25%

Cyber-goth

17%

Industrial/Rivet-Head

17%

Ethereal Goth

17%

What subcategory of Goth best fits you?
created with QuizFarm.com

Where's 'Indie Goth' or 'Retired Goth'?

hot hot hot

2007-05-11T00:59:48Z

Yes. Offical The Horrors.. Flick Combs...

Personally, I'm holding out for the offical Horrors Hairspray. I think it would be a quality product... I've pretty much given up on 'Goth Juice Hairspray - Made from robert smith's tears' from the mighty boosh coming into production. It would be cruel.. i get images of old bob weeping over a vat in a factory somewhere.. poor bobert...

besides, i maintain that Simon Gallup's tears would make the superior hairspray.

see? i like the smoother fasian feel simon maintained in his mullet...

hmm, well, that was a quality blog if ever i wrote one!

in other news:-

i'm going to see love of diagrams tonight! weee!!
thomas has found a new way of pissing me off, he climbs onto my records.. my vinyl records and scratches them. You know, how cats do when they want to sleep somewhere? i keep waking up hearing it.. it's a horrible sound..
my boss got angry at me this morning, for a mistake HE MADE. loser. He may look like father christmas, but like santa, fat bloated mult-national corporations lurk behind him.. *shakes fist at coca-cola.

..
..

how did that just happen?
hmm. too much coffee for natalie this morning methinks!

oooo

2007-05-10T07:06:49Z

i have been cutting the hair a lot of late.
I gave myself a mullet on tuesday.. and last night i cut mai's hair.
i like the cutting of the hair. i like the using of ones hands to do things.

i think i have the hand skillz. myes.

on this day, 19 years ago, evil was unleashed on the world in duplicate...

2007-05-04T01:22:41Z

it's FRIDAY!
FRIDAY!
and i am all alone in the office. just me.. and the water cooler.. well, there is also a fridge, desks, computers and other inanimate objects, obviously, but... eh.
I can't have lunch today.. i have so much work to do.. so much.. and since i am han solo i must stay in and answer le phone... and yet, here i am, updating my livejournal.

*stomach gurgles*
eehhh... i haven't been eating properly this week, my stomach has developed emotional issues. I think it's angry at me because basically all i've eaten since sunday is cheese and crackers. Pah! there is camenbert, blue costello and really nice tasty at home at the moment, and many varieties of tasty cracker to put it on.. it should be GRATEFUL for such BOUNTY.
*gurgle*

eh. i should go work. there's a very exciting looking Deed of Licence for Neil Ivett Owen and Ronald Martin McCawley on my desk just calling too me..
'nnaataaliee...'
'naaaaaaaatalie....'
'...if you don't finish me you will get into trroouubbllee...'

ps. yes, it IS le twinpowers birthday. Happy Birthday Twin Powers.

quizzz

2007-05-01T01:34:31Z

Your Supernatural adventure by mandatora

Username

Sexual Preference

Weapon of choice

You're

At a random sleazy motel

Where you run into

You meet when

he catches you checking him out

He says

"Thank you. I can die happy now that I've seen your smile."

He then takes you to

A hotel room

Where you

get married

The next morning he

tells you that you look damn sexy in his shirt.

Possibilty of him calling you:

91%

meesa confused.

2007-05-01T01:12:03Z

i think i have decided, after long interviewing process, not to employ tobias as offical man-friend.

I spent houurrss with him on friday, and since i was driving i only took a half and had say.. 4 drinks all up.. so i was pretty sober. And i realised he is pretty much IMPOSSIBLE to have a conversation with. Seriously. And you can't make out with someone for 5 or 6 hours straight. it gets boring.

Maybe if there was more chemistry.. but there isn't. He failed that really important test, the 'do i want to shut my eyes during the kissing' test. i actually got a bit bored.

and then there's the fact that i resemble clint eastwood after he gets cut down from the tree in 'hang em high'. Looks like someone tried to strangle me. I sense.. violence lurking under that mild stoner facade... and my neck bore the brunt of it on the weekend.

hmm.

in other news. i have the flu.

Spent yesterday feverish.. then consoled myself by reading 'young adult' books. You know, the ones for 14yr olds?
Myes. in this case, eragon. I love stupid books like that. You can forget everyting and just be like, 'Wee! dragons!'

mmyes

2007-04-27T05:40:47Z

okay. sheep-cat boy sent me a myspace message... so hmm.. not sure what exactly is going on there...
i swear he is the strangest person i have ever met. and i know some PRETTY effed up weirdos..

"My Purse rebuilding is well under way i now possess golds,
Im lacking Identity which is a grave shame, dressing in shaddows may cosmic dance me passed the hobgoblin guarding ish-don't think so's,
from think so. "

yes, it's like yr ten poetry class, 'what does it mean class?'.

i hope he doesn't have an lj...

still not sure if im going out tonight, i wanna see tess for her birthday.. and i DID miss the last monster joes... but i seriously have $2 to my name.. :(

i suppose i could be a DD?

money issues, sheep-cat boys

2007-04-26T00:13:19Z

hhaaggaad.

i have NO MONEY. none. *cries

i shouldn't have gone out on tuesday...
ohhh... i'm meant to be going to an acid party on friday, but i've gots no moolah.. and i have that doctors appointment at 9:30 on saturday... oh dilemma...

I feel delicate from overindulgence tuesday night. I think i need to stop drinking as much, and stop hanging out with nia so much. She's muh bestie, but i think it is a tad unhealthy.. i am too antisocial. we are like one entity...myes.

think have offically scared tobias away. Have vague recollections of letting nia message him about burning his shoes in a tree spirit fire of vengence... as you do. wow. that was a pretty scary stalker thing to say to a stoner now i think about it.
maybe i should salvage the situation. Burn his shoes and leave them at bent street. that way at least there would be some amusement to be had from the incident.

eh. Dan left a myspace nvitation to a party there. pretty sure i DON'T wanna go though. Dan is a bit scary. Plus why would i go to a party at tobias' house if HE didn't invite me? *shakes head* it's just not done. pride and all that. if tobias wanted me to come he would have invited me, not dan. Dan's just trying to get his friend some sex. gross.

eh. eh eh.

there was a time when i'd post this on myspace, but there are too many people that actually read that blog now.. so i have to come here for emo venting. but hey, LJ, what emo's did before there was myspace riigghhtt?

also

2007-04-24T06:59:38Z

im going to see the doctor on saturday. he will give me drugs.
even if they don't work i can trade them for things that do...

mmmbblleeehh

2007-04-24T06:57:48Z

i feel crappy today. fat, ugly... too .. female.

haven't eaten anything since sunday.

just to cheer myself up i went shop lifting at lunchtime.

*sighs

even a $79.99 trent nathan belt from david jones didn't perk me up for long.

normally clothes make me happy.

i think my brain is broken.